Finding Happiness on a
No Frills Airline
RyanAir - Dublin to Malaga

Memories have a funny way of rushing back to you from the smallest fragments. It could be a passing scent, a familiar taste, or a couple of words. This recently happened to me, when a colleague joked that he would take both a glass of white and a glass of red. Instantly, I was transported back to RyanAir in February 2024.

My wife, Christine, and I were looking to escape Dublin, shed our heavy winter coats, and trade them for some warm Spanish air. Like most travelers, we would have loved to fly in high style, but we chose Ryanair to avoid breaking the bank before the vacation even started. We booked a 7:00 a.m. flight from Dublin to Malaga. Yes, a dreadfully early departure for anyone. Where tired people are standing in frustrating baggage, security, and boarding lines long before the sun has even risen. Fortunately, we made it to the plane on time and secured aisle seats directly across from one another. 

My mystery seatmates arrived shortly after me. I graciously stood up to let them into the row. Annette took the middle seat; she was in her early 50s at most, just over five feet tall, and while not a large woman by any stretch of the imagination, she possessed strong, sturdy bones. Sissy took the window seat; she was a bit taller and a little wider, if you know what I mean. It was clear that they were headed to Malaga for a girls' weekend. And good for them, I'm sure they well deserved it.

I was still contemplating whether to sleep, watch something on my phone, or read a book. Then, I watched as Annette casually pulled a full bottle of white wine from her bag. As an American conditioned by decades of TSA regulations, my brain immediately shifted into a Level 5 Homeland Security panic. I braced myself for a corkscrew or a Swiss Army knife to emerge. Meanwhile, these women were operating on a completely different frequency. They’d bypassed international security protocols using nothing but the sheer tactical genius of a duty-free screw-cap. Annette twisted the top, and it opened. Sissy produced two plastic cups from her small travel bag.

I was impressed. It was 7:00 a.m., we hadn't even pushed back from the gate, and their weekend was already officially underway. Of course, I waited for the inevitable drama to unfold, assuming a flight attendant would bring this good time to an end. When we finally taxied away from the gate, the head flight attendant walked down the aisle making her final safety checks. She caught the two ladies mid-sip. Without a hint of surprise or hesitation, she simply smiled and said, "That’s our last glass."

Annette and Sissy smiled back and agreed, "No problem." The flight attendant finished her checks and headed to the back of the plane to buckle into her jumpseat.

A little anticlimactic, but what was the stewardess to do? She couldn’t turn a plane around over a glass of Chardonnay? Anyway, as I always say, “no harm, no foul”. Taxiing for takeoff made me wish I had a wee bit of candy to help my ears on takeoff. Then, out of the corner of my eye, I watched Annette pull out the half-finished bottle of wine and top off their glasses. On an airline that charges for a checked bag, these ladies discovered a bottomless glass of Chardonnay.

Annette and Sissy were able to kill the bottle of wine by the time we reached cruising altitude. So, when the beverage cart finally came through, I was highly entertained when they both ordered more white wine. Over the course of the two-hour-and-forty-five-minute flight, my ladies successfully ordered two more rounds from the crew.

They were just genuinely nice ladies having fun and enjoying life. The absolute highlights of my flight came from eavesdropping on their conversations. At one point, Sissy mentioned a family member who was considering transitioning. Both women were a bit confused by the concept. Sissy finally sighed and said, "I don't get it. Am I still grandma or do I become grandpa?" I had to close my eyes, listen, and actively fight the urge to burst out laughing.

As we neared our destination, I decided to use the restroom, just in case we got stuck circling Malaga for an hour. When I stood up, I noticed both ladies got excited and were clearly waiting for this opportunity. The three of us queued for the restroom. I was the first one in and the first one out.

By the time they returned to our row, Sissy settled back into the window seat and immediately began panicking that her purse was missing. A frantic search began. Annette got down on her hands and knees, defying all laws of human anatomy and budget-airline legroom; she searched the floor with her cell phone's flashlight. Visualizing a grown adult on all fours in a Ryanair middle seat is still a logistical marvel to me. Sissy started asking the people behind us if the bag had slid back, then stood up to lean over the front seats to see if it had been kicked forward.

With three rows of strangers now fully invested in the frantic search, Sissy looked entirely defeated. Her vacation felt over before it had even started. Resigned, she finally collapsed back into her seat, as Annette kept inspecting the floorboards. The moment Sissy's weight hit the cushion, she realized she had been sitting on the purse the entire time. The surrounding rows erupted into happy relief, and we all had a great laugh about it. 

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Soon after, we landed in sunny Malaga and went our separate ways. I half-expected to run into Annette and Sissy at a local pub during our trip, but it wasn't meant to be.

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Even though Ryanair is the definition of a no-frills airline, I have to say it was one of the most entertaining flights I've ever taken. I've spent some time trying to find a grand moral to the story, and I don't think there is one. But what I loved most about the experience was how effortlessly everything flowed. There was no drama from the flight attendant, no drama from the ladies—even when they thought the vacation funds were lost—and no drama from the passengers around us. There wasn't even any drama when Sissy accidentally botched every noun and pronoun in the book.

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What I loved most was the beautiful, refreshing lack of drama.